FEAR ! ! !

There are things that people fear for some it may be spiders , pitbulls:), or heights ext for me mine is driving under certain conditions like in the dark driving makes me nervous but lately my hugest fear has been highway 12 for the last 6 or 7 months they have been fixing the road and decided it would be great to put up a white block wall!for what reason I don't know but it just scares me lol!My fear in driving by this wall is that I will hit it and then crash and hurt my kids or worse that I may cause my child to die by crashing into the wall!For most you probably are thinking "O my goodness girl" but this fear is so real to me! I go through Vacaville to get to Fairfeild when taking Lille to her therapy twice a week so I don't have to drive the highway 12.

I started this post on the 31st of Oct and after starting it I have since then have had 2 things come up that I have had fear (1)I don't like confronting people when I know I should and I have let many times go by because of it ,and I know it was wrong and the reason I know it is because Iam being selfish and only thinking of me and how it makes me feel to have to go and talk to another person instead of thinking of the other person and loving them to the point of putting ME aside!

(2)So as you know the SWINE FLU is out and about all over the news and people wearing masks at all the store!Yes this is another fear of mine because all my children have medical conditions that make them at higher risk for being hospitalized if they in deed get this flu!

Well I started getting getting sick this Sunday and I was thinking it was just hay fever!but as it started getting worse and my fever was at 102.5 I looked on line about the swine flu and started fearing I would be the cause of my children getting hospitalized or possibly the worse death!After being encouraged by my family I stopped the fleshly thoughts and went to the doctors yesterday to find out that I have a virus and the starting of pneumonia on the left side in return causes my asthma to hit a high of out of control breathing!The doctor was not convinced I had the swine flu.

I also had the opportunity to call another sister in Christ today (Nov 4Th) and the Lord brought me through the phone call and this other person took it so well and was very thankful and in return I was blessed that I was able to encourage another sister in the lord.

In the last month God has shown me alot that I didn't even see in myself but it was collecting in my heart this ugly thing of "FEAR" and worst all of it is sin to fear because I am not in anyway TRUSTING my lord that has my life in his hands and my family as well.I have no control over saving my children from death Iam called to be wise as a mother but I still have no control over my life or any one Else's life at that.It does not matter if I go through vacaville to avoid highway 12 because the Lord can allow us to get in a car crash going to vacaville!I know you get what Iam saying:)same with my kids Yes Iam getting them there flu shot and the swine flu shot as well but does that stop them from getting out of the lords timing of death where He says our days are numbered NO it doesn't!I get so frustrated at myself at times and my way of thinking!I am just so thankful to the lord that he is so faithful to show us our short comings and in that it allows me to change my heart and keep running this race toward the finish line!

I have to say Iam proud of what the Lord has done in my heart with driving to Fairfeild on highway 12 because Iam so happy to say I have been driving highway 12 for about 2 weeks now:)YEAH!!!!! Iam still working on it though lol its not all the way easy lol:)

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thine ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct thy path.

Proverbs 3:5