New Formula for Lillie

Lillie's new formula came yesterday and the other formula is not here yet!We were suppose to trial them both to see how Lillie would do!I must say I was a bit nervous to try the Neocate because when she was a year old the doctor put her on it and she literally threw up every ounce she would drink for 3-4 days thinking her body just needed to get use to it and she would be fine but it turned out she couldn't handle it so we put her back on her Pregestimil just to find out a year and a half later she is now allergic to 3-4 of the ingredients in it:(. The great news is that Lillie has been on it for 2 days now and has not thrown up or been fussy!Thank you God!!!!Although she is not drinking it like she would her Pregestimil I do think she is acquiring a taste for it lol !! We will see what happens in the next couple days!!Lillie also started her new medicine for her difficulty swallowing (Pulmicort Respule)mixed with 5 packs of Splenda!Our pharmacist has been a pharmicist for 25-30 years at least and he said he has never seen it used in the way Lillie is using it and he has never seen it mix that way either :) I thought it was funny because his face expression when I picked it up!He said he even called the children's hospital to make sure he read it right:)So Lillie seems to be doing good on it Iam not sure if its helping or if it will but we will see when she goes in for her scope/biopsy in June or July.Lillie still does not have a date yet for her fruit and veggy allergy testing!We should have a date some time in the next week or two and the same thing for Addison..no date yet for her food allergy testing.

A Special Day With My Hubby!!

My Husband and I had the blessing of having our children watched by my Mom and Sister and Alisha for my birthday today!We have not gotten out together in quite some time and what a fun filled blessed day we had with each other!We dropped the kids off at 8am and drove to Sacramento "oh by the the way my husband was suppose to work today but surprised me and took a PCH so that he could be with me on my birthday"what a sweet heart:)So anyway we ate at Denny's then went to the Sacramento county fair!boy was it fun we rode all kinds of rides, looked at FFA & 4h animals and I had to go into the petting zoo and pay to fed the animals lol ! I seriously had 2 deer and a lama trying to eat my clothing and the food in my hands:)I would so live on a farm if I could so would Addison!We also watched a horse show with little girls riding and that was fun to watch because this year we are putting Addison in horse riding lessons for her P.E for school this coming year. After the fair we went to Starbucks with a gift card from my family and we were able to just sit with each other and visit and talk with no interruptions!then went to the movies and to Out Back Steak House for dinner that was also payed for from my family as well It was so good we loved it and actually it was our first time eating there.On our way home we stopped to take pictures before the sun went down on a country road we took from vacaville to Rio vista and that was funny because it was so windy out !we got some cute pictures I thought:)all in all I loved hanging out with my hubby and being able to give him my divided attention without my little love bugs interrupting! It was nice doing something together it was something we were able to to do without tending to our children's needs all day!I must say we did miss them and its really funny how it doesnt feel normal unless you have kids telling on each other or yelling to loud while little sissy is sleeping or asking for juice or food lol!It was so fun and I must say my 27th birthday was a blessing from my family. Thank you very much for watching the kids and allowing us to get out to do something fun together and thank you for my gift certificates! I LOVE YOU GUYS !

Lillie Girls EE update!!

After a week or 2 of calling doctors and making allergy apts and getting procedures scheduled for Lillie to check her EE I must say a squeaky wheel does get oiled(a mommy being a advocate for her baby) things start to happen lol:)So hear is whats been going on at the Doctors office at the Brazils home :)Lille has a apt to get tested for more food allergies and if we find her to be allergic to any of the foods we test her for well we will have to remove those as well out of her diet. :( she also has a apt to be put under and have her esophagus scoped for the level of eosinophils and of the stomach! they both will be biopsied! This is something that will have to be done every 2-3 months to help manage her EE.
I talked to Lillies Gastro doctor yesterday for 45 min!I expressed to her my thoughts of this eosinophilc esaphagitis being her diagnoses and that I believe this is what has caused her failure to thrive since birth! Lillies gastro doc agreed completely!She had also shared that Lillie is one of several patients of hers with EE and Lillie is in fact the worst of all her patients with EE and that Lillie has a high level of white blood cells(eosiniphils)attacking the good stuff for her body in her foods she is allergic to!Lillies diet is limited do to allergies of these foods ! all dairy, all nuts, all fish, soy, sunflower, wheat, beef, lamb we will find out if there are more in the next week or two:( The foods she is allergic to cannot be any of the foods she eats and that's not easy because really they are in alot of foods we eat everyday!I have been feeding her fruits and veggys and I found some others she could eat like beans:) without those ingredients!Lillies GI doctor changed her formula to amino based formula due to her formula now that she has been on since 3 months has soy,milk,sunflower in it:( I actually looked a week ago and called asking what to do about this formula!Lillie is also being put on a med that will coat her throat so she is not in as much pain when swallowing.If her swallowing does not improve after a month or so ,Lillie will need to see a feeding specialist to help her out with swallowing her foods!I think she has developed a complex for swallowing this way and doesn't know any other way to swallow due to pain!Other then all of the new updates I pray all have a blessed weekend!we will see what God has in store for us:)I will keep you posted the best I can!

Bring On The Rain !!

I must say I have been so busy being advocate for Lillie girl thses past 2 weeks!Iam so Happy and joyful and I give all my thanks I have to God for showing me all that he has been showing me with Lillie from the begining to now!Iam in aww of him and who he is in every part of this journey with Lillie girl!I have to say I thank God for Lillie I thank God for this sick child of mine!I know through Lillies journey that had I not been given her I would not find myself seeking him as much as I have in the last 2 1/2 years!I wouldnt have learned in my heart to trust him the way he calls me to!I wouldnt know how to find joy in all circumstances in trusting Gods will and knowing that he is in complete control no matter what may be going on in my life! I have also learned that though doctors didnt know why my daughter was not thriving on her own even after hundreds of testing done on her that God is the altimate Doctor who knows all things and that I have nothing to fear because he knows! that is where I have learned to trust Him in all things!This is not to say I didnt have to learn what God was doing through my daughter was going to be changing my hubby and I in so many ways:)We struggled when we were in the hospital with Lillie! when there were no answered prayers!I know God didnt answer when I wanted him to but he answered when he knew his child of his(Crystal)was ready in her heart to know!I dont know the reason really he waited as long as he did I just know I would not have wanted to know then what was wrong with Lille girl! looking back and then knowing how much this journey has changed my heart I see Gods mercy,grace, and love for his child to love me so much to want to show me more of him and to want to help me in all he has done through my child!I am not saying that Iam stoked my daughter is sick of course as a mom you dont want to see your child to be sick and not thriving!but Iam content and I accept what God has gaven me because really I deserve NOTHING so anything extra like my family and children, friends ext are all such a blessing from him and if it involves being given a sick child then Thank you God . see its in his perfect timing not mine not the doctors His:)!The way I look at it is I thank God for trials because it is through our trials that we see our heavenly father so much more and we see more of ourselves and how unable we are to face anything alone!I couldnt trust my feelings and I still cant trust them but Gods word I know and trust and it can and has gotton me through some of my hardest days with lillie being sick!I know its easy to say why?how could you God?I dont understand?but its not for me to ask those questions because I have understood its for my good and It truly is!I know this is crazy but I almost want to say "bring on the rain God"I dont ever want to be comfortable with myself I like knowing constantly I need you God!! oh and its so easy to fall into my flesh and think I can go a while without God or reading his word!!The truth is no I cannot make it one day without him not even a minute:)

Follow Up With Dr.Garcia !!

I wanted to give you all a update on Lillie and for those who have been praying thank you so much!your e -mails asking how she is doing is greatly appreciated!For you to take the time to say "hey I care and Iam praying means so much to our family!Iam happy to say Lillie's fever has come down completely to 98.5 and I have not had to give her Tylenol since early this morning at 6am and even then it was down to 100.0! because for the last 3 mornings she has woken up with 103.0 to 104.6!So praise God!I have never experienced that high of a fever with any of my kids until now!She is still fussy but I think her body just needs rest now!Lillie is doing just that as I blog!SSSHHHHH!!!:)I don't dare wake her up lol!!!Lets just say she may be little but boy is she a pistol even when she is not sick!!Lets just say Iam so happy to see her feeling back to herself! She is back to drinking,not so much eating but she is getting there!




One thing I did notice was you know how we were giving her everything through her feeding tube? Well today we have not needed to! So you know how I had said she has difficulty swallowing? from her EE? Okay! well when I went to give her medicine she took a little and held it in her mouth and was taking forever to swallow it!Then I asked her "Lillie you want me to give you medicine in your tummy tube?" I wanted to see what she would do in hopes it would tell me something!! and she yelled "YA" and ran into the living room and layed down and waiting for me to give the rest of her meds! what this tells me is that it hurts her bad to swallow because she did not like the fact that we had to hook her up in the first place 3 days ago and now its like she understands that this tube is helping her because of not having to swallow anything!!:( I feel really bad that my daughter has been struggling to eat and it has taken me so long to find this out!I do understand that this was Gods perfect timing and I truly trust his reason for it taking as long as it did to reveal it to tony and I!It just breaks my heart as a mommy to know that she has had issues with swallowing for 2 1/2 years and I didn't understand why!Iam also so thankful to God for answering my prayers!when I asked God if we should remove her tube or not!I know now we are not suppose to any time soon because honestly I have a feeling this tube is going to help her in a huge way!Iam going to try my hardest to put alot of things through the tube so that she does not have to deal with the pain of swallowing!I love how God shows himself in times of trial!its a huge hug and I cant help but to have joy in the fact that He is showing Tony and I things about Lillie in the last 2 weeks!He is amazing and Iam so thankful!



So we went to the doctors today for Addisons follow up from Mondays appt and Lillies Wed appt! He said Addison sounded great and we need to keep her on the meds!Her skin(eczema) on the other hand is infected and he said she was starting to develop staph in several areas on her legs!So lets just say 4 more meds to the collection:)I really should open a pharmacy:)
He said Lillie looks alot better and her fever down and he didnt get the results back yet for the flu! praise God!Although she is getting better he said Lillie has a yeast infection internally meaning from her mouth to her bottom:(she was prescribed a med as well :) Iam sure this doesnt help her swallowing!

God is good and Iam so happy and thankful for what he has been doing in the last 2 weeks!I cant explain the joy after 2 1/2 years of wondering??????what was causing Lillie to be so little and not thriving! Thank you GOD!!

PS.The post picture was of Auntie and Lillie at Childrens hospital about 6 months ago!She was getting upper GI scope and biopsy that day!didnt want you to think it was recent!!

A Doctors Office At Home !!

This picture is all the meds I give my family daily 2-3 times a day and there are others not pictured only because we don't take them daily and they are the ones we take when needed.I want you to know it helps me as a mom of a family of 5 with medical issues to share what I am going through !! I have not been that good with sharing my feelings or the extent of medical issues on my blog because at first I thought I don't want people to feel bad or like "poor thing" :) I have read other blogs from friends and I realize its okay to be going through hard things and its okay to share that! I am okay with what the Lord God has Gaven me in fact He never said" Crystal its going to be easy"! If everything was easy how would I be able to glorifie him in my trials? The Lord God has done so much in our family's hearts and we have a peace that comes only from him!that's not to say that as a mom I don't get scared and start forgetting that the very same God that created my family knows what he is doing when one of my children gets a temp of 104.8 or one of my children has a asthma attack and I have to call 911 and the other gets admitted into the hospital because of a asthma attack as well :) This is Gods perfect plan though I may not see the outcome in the end but I do know God knows!!

I really love these verses and they encourage me alot!!

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure,
children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation in which you shine like stars in the universe..." Philippians 2:14-15

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

" LORD you have assigned me my portion and my cup."
Psalms 16:5

'' I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand . I will not be shaken."
Psalms 16:8

'' Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34


I took Addison who has had a cold/fever/flu to the doctor on Monday because Addison's Asthma was acting up again and she informed me that she could not breath like last time!The doctor put her on prednisolone and back on breathing treatments every 2-4 hours along with her Qvar inhaler, 2 allergy meds and 2 eczema meds! Dr Garcia also referred Addison to a allergy specialist funny enough it ended up being the same place Lille goes!Just different doctors.My thoughts are I would like to see what doctor I feel is going to be the best for our whole family.
Lillie now started having a fever Monday but it was not to high then yesterday it went up to 102.3 I gave her fever meds and it went down then back up to 102.0 within 1-2 hours!last night we put her to sleep and she woke up at 12am and she had a fever of 104.0 so we gave her more meds and gave her juice and waited for her fever to go back down too 100.00 then called the advice nurse to see what we should do for Lillie!I usually know what to do when its my other two children but when it comes to Lillie I get concerned because she has other medical problems!So the nurse told me to call Lillie's ped in the morning.Lillie woke up around 8am and again we were faced with her fever of 104.0.I and made a apt at 1:45PM during the day I tried to keep the fever down without overdosing my little girl but her fever was not going down!By the time we got to her apt in bentwood her temp had reached 104.8!Dr Garcia took swabs of her mouth and nose for swine flu and for strep!The strep was negative and the flu we will find out on Friday for Addison and Lillie's follow up with Dr.Garcia!One of the good things was that since Lillie has a feeding tube in her tummy is that Dr Garcia said as of now he wont admit her into the hospital because we will be able to put meds that she refuses to take by mouth,her formula(all her nutrients),and Pedialyte,in her feeding bag and run her feeding machine all night!something they would have to do in the hospital to keep children hydrated while being ill.So really this is a true blessing to be home and not in the hospital and if we do end up going we will trust God with his will for our family! Lillie has also lost 1 1/2 pounds in the last month and for those people who do not know it takes Lillie about 3-4 months to gain that kind of weight back!so where Lillie was almost 22lbs she is 20lbs!Dr Garcia put Lillie on a antibiotic for her virse and a med Incas she has the flu along with her EE med and Acid reflux med and eczema med!Lillie just woke up from her nap at 6pm and her fever has came down for now.


I also wanted to share that I have been doing some more research on Lillies diagnoses of Eosinophilic Esophagitis and what caused me to do some more serious looking was for the last 2-3 months Lillie's speech therapist Kelly was asking about Lillie's swallowing !let me inform you that Lillie has had feeding issues since birth! Kelly has been showing great concern because she has been working with Lille twice a week since Lillie was 5 months old.I had remembered reading that children with EE have difficulty swallowing!so I had mentioned that to Kelly,and she told me she wanted to know more about this EE and so I went home to look up some information for her over the last week I believe that God could be revealing that This is Lillie's whole Diagnoses the whole thing from the beginning!Lillie being hospitalized 6 times in the first year of life and why she has not been thriving!I know that EE has only been around for 20 years or so and that doctors are not completely aware of the seriousness of this disease (at least Lillie's doctors right now) So my job as a mom is to be Lillies advocate and start telling the doctors what I know and That there are questions that need to be answered through more invasive testing and biopsies from the GI department at children's hospital in Oakland!I will be asking Lillie's allergist to test for fruits and veggy as well !I have so many things I want to say but honestly my mind is so consumed with our family and all the medical issues we face everyday!I know that Gods grace is sufficient to get me through each day and I have hope knowing and trusting his will for our family is the best and its for our good! Iam asking please that you will keep our family in your prayers as we face challenges as we all do!Its just everyone challenges look different! Please pray that we will find out more on Lillie's EE and that we will get the test done that need to be done to find more out for Lillie girl and that God would lead us to find the perfect doctor that knows how to better treat a child with EE.I thank you for continuing to pray for our family and the comfort to know we have a church family and friends that care helps to get through! I thank God for all he has given to us as a family and we will trust that his will and plan is perfect I have hope in knowing it is true.

PS. I have a U- tube video on EE at the top of my blog your welcome to watch it as it gives a little insight to What Lillie has.

Lillie had Temp of 103.0 and still took the time to check froggy's temp! I thought this was cute!!

This picture is the kids meds before bed time!I wanted to share with you little bit into our daily lives!

This picture was of tonight getting all her meds in her tummy and getting her tube ready to be hooked up for the night.

Happy Mother's day !!

Happy Mother's Day Mom!! I LOVE YOU AND THANK GOD FOR YOU!I thank God for the ways you raised Wendy and I to know who God was and is!I thank God for your continued encouragement each day!!Love you xoxo

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY !! I PRAY YOU HAVE A TRULY BLESSED DAY WITH YOUR FAMILY!WHAT A BLESSING IT IS TO BE CALLED "MOMMY" BOY O BOY THAT NAME HOLDS ALOT BEHIND IT!

DEAR GOD THANK YOU FOR SUCH A GREAT BLESSING AS MY CHILDREN!! ALTHOUGH THIS JOB CALLED" MOMMY" CAN BE ALOT TO BEAR AT TIMES I KNOW YOU GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH TO CARRY ON! NO MATTER WHAT IT MAY BE I CAN LOOK TO YOUR WORD FOR ALL I NEED TO MAKE IT THROUGH ON THOSE BUSY,CRAZY DAYS.THANK YOU GOD FOR THE MOMMYS THAT HAVE BLESSED MY HEART IN MANY WAYS AND HAVE ENCORAGED MY HEART VERY MUCH IN THE WAY THAT THEY ARE A GREAT EXAMPLE OF YOU WITH THERE CHILDREN!MAY I DESIRE EACH AND EVERYDAY TO BE MORE LIKE YOU SO THAT OUR CHILDREN WILL KNOW YOU THROUGH THE EXAMPLE OF MY LIFE AND MORE THEN MY EXAMPLE BUT THAT THEY WOULD KNOW YOUR WORD AND THAT I HELP THEM TO DESIRE YOU ABOVE ANYTHING ELSE IN THERE LIFE.
AMEN

I THOUGHT THIS POEM WAS CUTE!!!


MORE THAN A MOTHER

When God set the world in place,
when He hung the stars up in space,
when He made the land and the sea,
then He made you and me.

He sat back and saw all that was good,
He saw things to be as they should.
Just one more blessing He had in store;
He created a mother, but whatever for?

He knew a mother would have a special place
to shine His reflection on her child's face.
A mother will walk the extra mile
just to see her children smile.
She'll work her fingers to the bone
to make a house into a home.

A mother is there to teach and guide,
a mother will stay right by your side.
She'll be there through your pain and strife,
she'll stay constant in your life.

A mother will lend a helping hand
until you have the strength to stand.
She'll pick you up when you are down,
when you need a friend she'll stick around.

A mother is one who listens well,
will keep her word; will never tell.

A mother never pokes or pries
but stands quietly by your side,
giving you the strength you need,
encouraging you to succeed.

A mother is one who can be strong
when you need someone to lean on.

You're more than a mother to me;
a reflection of Him in your face I see,
a love that knows no boundaries.

I'm glad that you chose to be
all this and more to me.
You share a love that knows no end,
you're more than my mother,
you are my friend.

~By Kari Keshmiry~

What is Eosinophilic Esophagitis?

I had found this information on EE and wanted to share it with you so that you can maybe understand what Lillie has a bit when I talk about it!Its crazy because when I was reading it I was thinking WOW!!they should just have put Lillies name at the top of the article!Lillie is allergic to all of the foods they listed and she is on the meds for acid reflux and the Flovent for the(EE).All the test they mention have been done on her as well ext.I actually was excited because reading this article answered a few of the questions I had in my mind.

What is Eosinophilic Esophagitis (EE)?Eosinophilic esophagitis (EE) is a disease characterized by swelling of the esophagus (the part of the body connecting the throat and the stomach) caused by an allergic white blood cell, the eosinophil. Symptoms of EE can range from severe heartburn, difficulty swallowing, food impaction in the esophagus, nausea, vomiting and weight loss. There appears to be some age-related differences in symptoms, with younger children having more symptoms of weight loss, and older children and adults having food impaction and difficulty swallowing.
It is not exactly clear what causes EE, although this disease may be related to other allergic diseases, particularly asthma. People with EE frequently have a personal or family history of other allergic diseases such as hay fever, food allergy and asthma. Recently, there have been studies showing an association between food and environmental allergies and EE.
What Allergic Triggers Commonly Cause EE?Various studies have shown that patients with EE have positive allergy tests to various foods, and that avoidance of these foods led to the resolution of EE symptoms. Foods reported to be the cause of EE have included milk, eggs, peanuts, shellfish, peas, beef, chicken, fish, rye, corn, soy, potatoes, oats, tomatoes and wheat. Of these, the most common food triggers are milk, egg, wheat, rye and beef.
Environmental allergens, such as pollens, molds, cat, dog and dust mite allergens may also be involved in the development of EE.
How is EE Diagnosed?The diagnosis of EE is generally made by performing a biopsy of the esophagus, with evidence of eosinophils infiltrating the esophageal tissue. A biopsy is performed via endoscopy (a camera inserted into the esophagus), usually by a gastroenterologist. There are many other diseases that can cause eosinophils in the tissue of the esophagus, including gastroesopheal reflux disease (GERD), parasitic infections, fungal infections, inflammatory bowel disease, certain cancers, recurrent vomiting, and others. These diseases need to be ruled out before EE can be diagnosed.
Once EE is diagnosed, an allergist will typically perform extensive allergy testing, including looking for food allergies and environmental allergies, such as those listed above.
How is EE Treated?A trial of avoidance of the foods to which the person has positive allergy tests is the initial form of treatment for EE. If a person has numerous positive allergy tests, however, it may be important to change to a diet consisting only of an elemental formula (proteins broken down into the most basic building blocks, called amino acids).
Corticosteroids are frequently used to treat EE when avoidance of allergic triggers unsuccessfully relieves symptoms. Steroids may be used as pills, such as prednisone, or as a topical therapy, such as using inhaled steroids (Flovent, for example) typically used for asthma, except that the medication is swallowed, not inhaled. This results in the delivery of the medication directly to the esophagus. Typically, medications for GERD are also given to patients with EE.

A call from Lillies allergy doctor !

Lillie's allergy doctor called to let me know that the blood work results that were taken 3 weeks ago showed that Lillie is still allergic to all 14 of the same foods that came up positive when she was 13 months old!Lillie's doctor also looked at the test results from when she got the upper GI biopsy(took tissue from her esophagus)to see if her eosinophils have went down from her Eosinophilic esophagitis and it showed that nothing has changed from the first time she was tested for the EE her eosinophils have not gone down and are the same as they were when she was 12 months.Lillie's doctor said that if her EE is not treated with medicine then she will start developing scar tissue in her esaphagus which is not good for Lillie.So the doctor put her on a steroid medicine along with prevacid for her acid reflux.
I'am confused because the doctor said that the EE we have to treat separate from her food allergies!I always thought they went together!I will have to look up on both the food allergies and the EE a bit more so I can understand.I guess everyone I have talk to said that doctors don't know much about it because they are still learning about it because its new?

So for Lillie this means She still can not have milk or soy which I was hoping she would have lost one of the allergy for one of the milks so we can take her off the pregestimil formula and take her G-tube out!If you remember I was telling you that our insurance will not cover Lillie's formula if the G-tube comes out and so we cant take her tube out as of now!The doctor said it will not hurt her to keep it in. So we just have to trust in Gods plan for Lillie and if that is to be still where he has her then we will be joyful in happy in knowing we trust Gods plan.Although I never have a clear answer!At least that's what it seems alot of the time!I sometimes wounder if Gods going to make it all clear one day here on earth?I do know if I don't have a clear answer here on earth I will get a clear answer when I get to heaven :)lol :)

I do look back at Lillie's journey and all the hospital stays and all the test they took and how small she was and although we didn't get many answers to why Lillie was not growing and even though we still have no answers!I thank God for allowing her to come off the night feeds I thank God she has grown and that she looks a little chunky!I thank God that her speech and walking have improved and she is able to communicate with me and everyone around her!Even though we don't have a exact diagnoses God has shown himself to be great all the time no matter what we are going through.Its like the post before this one!you may not see the good and the outcome of what the Lord is doing when you are in the middle of a trial but its amazing when you can see it a little and how thankful you become to the Lord.



This picture is of Lillie's back at the doctors after she was tested for allergy to foods! Some were mod. and some were high.

Corn, peanut, chicken, lamb, turkey, beef, milk, soy, oat , rice ,sunflower, egg, wheat, sesame

Surgery !!

I wanted to say I love you all and I know that alot of us have been going through some trials and God had put it on my heart to encourage you with something a mother had written after her daughter had died 2 days prior to her writting what she had wrote!It was given to me when I was in the hospital with Lillie!So I wanted to share it back to encourage any of you who need to be encouraged!
P.S= Sorry dad its not the greatest picture but since your heart surgery The Lord has Changed my heart in a way that Iam thankful to God for!Its amazing how God does use what we may think or feel is not Good for us to change our hearts in way that only can be done by Him!I praise him for all he has done in my life and those around me through trials!

Thoughts from mom,

My dear sweet Destiny died 2 days ago.It's amazing how much you could love someone who did so little so much.I marveled in anything that she could do.We were excited every time she went "poopoo'' on her own or turned her eyes to look at something. Her body was perfect. I marveled at her little toes and fingers and beautiful hair.She was mine,especially designed by God for me for a time such as this, and I loved her.
Destiny was a lot of work.She required medicine to make each part of her work-A medicine to sleep-A medicine not to seize- a medicine to move her bowels, A medicine to help keep food in her stomach....I cried many nights since she was born-saddened by what her future held and fearful of when her last day would come.The doctors and hospital visits were getting exhausting. I felt like I was in the 3rd watch (as it says in the bible).I was weary-yet at the same time, I was confident that the Lord would not give me more then I could handle.

I would have never chosen this trial or any trial at that matter. The pain of losing a child is at times unbearable.Yet, by Gods grace, I was able to press into God and try to see what purpose He had in bringing Destiny into my life-because I have no doubt that God doesn't allow anything without a specific purpose. He had everything calculated down to the minutest detail including the perfect number of her days to accomplish the purpose that He had in mind for us. He knew the exact amount of pain and emotional energy that I could handle to keep me pressing into Him-that it wouldn't be to much that I would grow weary or bitter.I always knew and still continue to rest on the fact that He is good all the time and not only is He -but all things that He allows into our lives are for our good.We can't always see how a circumstance like this could be good-yet our confidence is not in how we feel or how we see things-but in who God is.

We often think that all pain is bad and that it's our goal to avoid it at all costs.It all hurts right now in an emotional way as a surgery to remove a large cancerous tumor would hurt physically.If we didn't know what we were being saved from, surgery would feel like trouble upon trouble...the incision,the bills,the recovery process... yet, what benefit the surgery would be: it would keep one from death;it would remove future pain;it would allow one to live life to the fullest. What's going on in our lives at this time could be God's way of doing surgery on our souls- we just can't see what the pain is sparing us from or preparing us to do or how it will be used for the future. It's all a matter of faith in a God who is faithful. A God who doesn't allow pain for sake of pain- but has a plan even for the pain that seems unnecssary.We just can't see the work that He is inevitably doing beneath the surface. He's allowing circumstances that if we could see the outcome of his plan-we would say, "Cut deeper." May we not miss what he intends!

I pray that what ever you may be going through this week,that you will be encouraged in knowing you can trust God with your life and what it holds!!