My Heart Broke............

As I sat in the ER waiting room at Childrens Hospital in Oakland with my mom and Anthony I thought I was only there for my son. As a young teenage girl walked in with what I thought was her mother,I watched as a nurse came out to do some interesting paper work with the lady with this little girl.This young teenage girl and I made eye contact 3-4 times while in the waiting room and then she was called back to be seen about 10 minutes went by and anthony was called back.We were placed in a room with another person and it was with the young teenage girl and this lady.....the doctor came in shut the certain and started to talk to this young lady and it was then I heard a life story was not prepared to here this was what I heard.....as I sat next to her on the other side of the curtain no more then 3 feet away telling the doctor she ran away and ran into 3 guys and started to drink alcohol and took 3 ecctasy pills and smoked weed the night before and was found by someone who called 911 by a bush on a street she didnt know...Then the doctor asked "how long have you been in foster care"? my mom and I started to cry at the fact that we felt her pain when she said "since 1999" 12 years this young girl has went from foster care home to foster care home for her whole life.Then she was asked how come you were taken from your mom and this was here reply"because my moms boyfriend abused me when I was 2 years old" The doctor looked to the lady who was a social worker and said "does she have placement to go home to tonight?" and the answer was " no she does not..but will in the morning".As the doctor left and the social worker asked her how her sister was and she replied with"she is back in jail for braking into a home and stealing and she is pregnant" the social worker replied with"wait I just wrote the judge to get her out a month ago after getting in trouble for prostituting!she is back in?" long story short this young girl has 5 other siblings all in foster care but 2 who were adopted by a family and her sister that I was writing about is only 15 yrs old and alot more was said between the social worker and her and it just broke my heart in a way I can't even explain. As the night went on my mom and I talked to this preious 14 year old we had the oppurtunity to encourage her with Christ and she shared with us that she has never felt wanted in any foster home and that her foster parents bio children were treated and are treated so much better:( she shared that she hates being without a family to love and care for her and she told us that she doesn't want to be adopted unless she knows for sure that the family truly wanted her and was going to love her the way she know she wants and knows should be loved.
As it was time to leave for us, we gave her a hug and 1 hug turned into 2 and 2 into 3 from each of us and the hugs were the kind of hugs where you are going to leave someone for along time...she hugged us back as though she has knew us for years! she was presious and I wanted to take her home with me so bad and I just wanted to tell her God sees her life and treasures her and wants her to have a new life through his saving grace.That is why I thank God for allowing me to keep seeing the beauty of adoption and how this young teenag girls life is sad and as there is no hope but it could be so diffrent like God choosing to save us and us choosing to saving these presious children from there sad stories they have to tell and showing them the life of loving familys like the loving family we have into Gods family and that they can have a life story to tell like we all do about how we were hopeless in our sin until God saved us.
My husband and I have persued adoption as far as going to our first introduction class to getting our finger prints done to filing a exemption and God made it very clear that Adoption is not for us at this time and possilbly never will be.We dont know what Gods plan is for our family but what we do know is that Gods ways are perfect and like the bible says his ways are not our ways and although it might have seemed like it was right, well it was not for us.The reason I say all this is because I know the Lord is going to use us to do something He knows is best for us and meeting this young lady in the ER made me desire to possibly mentor these kids in foster care they need mentors as well as adoptive families.I want to be praying about this because I want what God wants for my life. The Lord has also opened doors even though he has closed some.
This young lady was given our phone numbers by us so that hopefully she will call as she said she promised she would. Its amazing what God puts in your life to see and hear and we may not know why at the time but we just know to trust God because its not in vain.I felt that this was reality for all these foster children and it was reality that we dont even know or see because we have no clue at all and I honestly didnt even know until I actually heard it out of this young girls own mouth it was heart breaking. It was like a good slap in my face and not in a bad way I just was thankful to God for allowing me to be in the same room as this young girl and for allowing me to talk to her so that my heart can grow to be tender for these sweet children longing to belong and to be loved.